You know when there is so much hype around a day that, when the day comes, it ends up being miserable and you can’t wait for it to be over? Yeah, welcome to Valentine’s Day!
Not to sound too pessimistic, but it is just a natural human phenomenon that anytime our expectations get amped up too much, there is high potential for disappointment. On this Hallmark holiday, we also have relationship expectations tied in to compound these feelings and potential disappointments.
It may seem like there is no way to have a good Valentine’s Day, but this is not true. In this article, our couples counselling Calgary AB therapists offer you tips and insight based on their therapy work to help you, whether as an individual or a couple, have a great Valentine’s Day.
Tips for Improving Connection from Couples Counselling Calgary AB Therapists
Having a good Valentine’s Day is all about celebrating love, connection, and self-care. Here are some tips from our couples counselling Calgary, AB therapists to help you improve love and connection with your partner any day of the year:
1. Open and Honest Communication.
This involves multiple components, including active listening and appropriate expression of thoughts and feelings. Our couples counselling Calgary AB and Airdrie therapists offer some description and examples of each.
Active Listening: Ensure both of you are truly listening to one another, not just waiting for your turn to speak. Reflect back on what the other person says to show understanding. This can sound like “I think I heard you say that you are upset about that situation at work, is that right?” This then gives the other person a chance to further clarify their thoughts or feelings if this is not accurate.
Express Yourself: Be open about your feelings, needs, and concerns without blaming. Use “I” statements (e.g., “I feel…” rather than “You always…”) to reduce defensiveness.
2. Quality Time Together
It is important that you spend uninterrupted time together doing activities you both enjoy (this means committing to that time and putting aside distractions, including phones according to our couples counselling Calgary AB therapists). This can be as simple as cooking a meal together, taking walks, or having regular date nights. It can also look like doing a hobby, having an adventure, or trying something new.
Remember the slogan: “Presence over Perfection.” It’s not about doing the “perfect” activity but, rather, being present and engaged with each other.
3. Physical Affection
Regular touch, such as hugging, holding hands, or cuddling, can create emotional closeness and help you both feel more connected, say our couples counselling Calgary AB therapists. It is important to understand each other’s comfort levels with physical touch and respect personal boundaries. If one person prefers more physical touch over another, continuing to talk openly about comfort level, preferences, and what each partner is willing to provide can help reduce resentment over the long-term. It is also important to remember that physical affection is more than sexual contact. Many individuals like non-sexual forms of touch as an expression of love and care, which can open them up to sexual forms of touch too.
4. Emotional Support
According to the Gottman Institute, a place where our couples counselling Calgary AB therapists gather a lot of tools and strategies, it is important for couples to be there for each other during both good and challenging times. Offering empathy, encouragement, and validation helps deepen your emotional connection. Another way to provide emotional support is to be present. Sometimes offering a listening ear or a comforting word is more valuable than giving advice or solutions.
5. Shared Goals and Values
It is important in relationships to start to discuss long-term goals and values to ensure you’re aligned in areas like family, career, finances, and personal growth. Having shared goals builds a sense of partnership and teamwork, according to our couples counselling Calgary therapists. To help you in this personal and relational exploration, here is a list of values from Brene Brown’s Dare to Lead program so that you can see which ones resonate most for you. Being clear on our goals and values can also help with boundaries in relationships. Here is a blog post on what boundaries are and what they can look like in relationships.
6. Respect and Appreciation
Showing gratitude and appreciation for each other’s contributions to the relationship is an important nurturing act for a long-term relationship. Small acts of kindness, such as leaving thoughtful notes or doing something special, can strengthen your bond. Our couples counselling Calgary AB therapists regularly encourage couples to acknowledge the positive qualities in your partner. Couples find that this improves their positive experience of the relationship and leads to them feeling more love, respect, and comfort. Examples of respect and appreciation can include: “Thank you for all of the effort you put into maintaining our household” or “I really appreciate your support during that issue” or “Thank you for being you. I value your strength, humour and care.”
7. Resolve Conflicts Constructively
Disagreements are natural, but how you handle them makes a difference. Avoid yelling, blaming, or stonewalling (which means ignoring your partner, giving them the silent treatment, or not allowing them to discuss your feelings). All of these approaches tend to negatively erode the foundation of a relationship and can lead to problems long-term. Here is a blog on managing conflict in relationships. One key tip from our couples counselling Calgary therapists is to focus on problem-solving and compromise rather than getting entrenched in being right or defending your own position. They also recommend taking breaks, as necessary, and returning to discussions when calm and regulated. For some support on how to stabilize your emotions and work through difficult moments, here is an article that includes 20 quick and easy strategies for relaxation.
8. Trust and Vulnerability
Couples counselling Calgary AB therapists encourage you to be honest about your feelings and fears, and allow your partner to do the same. Vulnerability builds trust and deepens emotional intimacy. Vulnerability is an interesting topic and one that Brene Brown has researched, written and spoken about. Practicing being more open, honest, and humble about our innermost feelings is an essential relationship building skill. Trust takes time to build, and we need some degree of trust in order to be vulnerable, so be reliable and follow through on promises while noticing if your partner does the same.
9. Personal Growth
Interestingly enough, a lot of relationship counselling is done individually rather than in a couples counselling environment. How come? There are a number of reasons, which can include that one partner is not as willing to engage in the process as the other. A bigger reason is that continuing to grow as an individual enhances your relationship. Exploring things like your own communication, attachment styles, family of origin, mental health, and general wellness can have many positive benefits to your relationship. It is important that couples support each other’s personal passions, hobbies, and self-care.
10. Seek Help When Needed
If needed, consider couples counselling (or individual relationship counselling) for building, maintaining, and/or strengthening your relationships, including with romantic partners. Sometimes an outside perspective can provide helpful insights and tools for improving the relationship. Couples counselling Calgary, AB and couples counselling Airdrie is available to help troubleshoot specific issues, when acute crises come up, as well as for being proactive in maintaining a strong connection.
Tips for a Good Valentine’s Day from Couples Counselling Calgary AB Therapists
Continuing to improve the quality of connection with your partner can certainly pave the way for a better Valentine’s Day. However, some of you may not be in a relationship at this time and are still needing to live through February 14. Here are some tips from our couples counselling Calgary, AB therapists to support you on Valentine’s Day, whether you are in a relationship or not:
1. Plan Ahead:
- For Couples: Think about your partner’s preferences and plan something thoughtful. It could be a romantic dinner, a surprise outing, or simply a heartfelt letter. You don’t need to go overboard, just something meaningful. These will be the best remembered and most valuable offerings, according to our couples counselling Calgary and Airdrie therapists.
- For Singles: Plan to treat yourself by doing something unique/special, and/or celebrate with friends. Embrace the day as an opportunity to show love to yourself or those close to you. This is, after all, what the day is based upon. Here is a list of ideas for activities for this, and other, self-care days.
2. Set a Positive Mindset:
- If you’re single, focus on self-love and embrace the day as an opportunity to do something you enjoy.
- If you’re in a relationship, it’s not about grand gestures but about showing appreciation for each other. Meaningful acts of kindness and care go a long way, according to our couples counselling Calgary AB therapists.
3. Get Creative:
- For Couples: Surprise your partner with something personal, such as a homemade dinner, a playlist of favorite songs, or a creative gift that reflects your relationship.
- For Singles: Make the day about doing something you enjoy. Take a relaxing bath, watch your favorite show, or visit a café you love. Treat yourself well!
4. Show Kindness to Others:
- Spread love beyond romantic relationships. Send a thoughtful text to friends and family, compliment a stranger, or volunteer your time to a cause you care about.
5. Celebrate What You Love:
- Whether it’s spending time with your partner, enjoying your own company, or connecting with friends, do something that fills you with joy. It could be a hike, reading a favorite book, or making a creative project. Engaging in thoughtful moments is a great way to show love to ourselves and others, according to our couples counselling Calgary therapists.
6. Keep Expectations Realistic:
- Remember that Valentine’s Day is just one day, and the best relationships and moments are built on everyday kindness and connection. Don’t stress about “perfect” plans or worry too much if the day does not feel great. Often people find that special days, like Valentine’s Day, don’t feel well or go well which is likely due to the high expectations that people put on them, say our couples counselling Calgary AB therapists.
7. Self-Care:
- Whether alone or with others, treat yourself with kindness. Take time for relaxation, pamper yourself, or do something that makes you feel good. To help you in your self-care journey, our couples counselling Calgary and couples counselling Airdrie therapists have put together a guide to help you explore what this means for you. Get your copy for FREE today!
By making it meaningful in your own personal way, you’ll create a day and relationship with yourself and others that you enjoy, regardless of whether it’s Valentine’s Day or not. Another option (and one many of our couples counselling Calgary and Airdrie clients take) is to take the pressure off by treating Valentine’s Day like any other day. This helps reduce expectations and keeps the day flowing at a regular pace.
Wishing you all the best in your relationships this day and always.
Sana Psychological is a mental health and addiction therapy practice supporting individuals, couples and families. We provide customized care in a team environment. We are happy to have you here and encourage you to learn more about our services.
