Navigating the Holidays With Boundaries: Tips From Codependency Counselling Calgary Therapists
The holiday season is often painted as a magical time—full of love, connection, and joy. While that can be true, it’s also a time when many people feel emotionally stretched, overcommitted, and overwhelmed.
One powerful tool for preserving your peace during the holidays? Boundaries.
Whether you're dealing with complicated family dynamics, packed schedules, or your own emotional needs, setting boundaries is a key part of making the season sustainable—and even enjoyable.
In this blog, our codependency counselling Calgary therapists will break down:
What boundaries are
Why they can be hard to maintain during the holidays
Practical tips to help you set and honor them
❄️ What Are Boundaries? Insight from Codependency Counselling Calgary Specialists
At their core, boundaries are limits you set to protect your time, energy, emotional well-being, and values. They can be physical, emotional, financial, mental, internal or external. Boundaries help you communicate (first to yourself and then maybe to others) what’s okay for you and what isn’t.
Examples of external (communicated) needs to others from our codependency counselling Calgary therapists may be:
“I can’t make it to that event, but I’d love to catch up another time.”
“I’m not comfortable discussing that topic.”
“I’m setting aside this evening for rest.”
“Please don’t bring that up in front of the kids.”
While these are a communication of needs, our codependency counselling therapists want to remind you that, ultimately, our boundaries need to be clear and held to by us, not by others. It’s great if someone respects your needs and boundaries - this can be an important sign of a healthy relationship, but we don’t want to fully depend on others to meet our needs for us.
Boundaries in action with the above examples can look like:
“I can’t make it to that event, but I’d love to catch up another time.” The boundary part is: Staying true to your word and not going to the event and inviting them for another hangout.
“I’m not comfortable discussing that topic.” The boundary part is: Your action if that topic continues to come up. That could mean further communication of your feelings and needs, actively shifting the conversation or even leaving the environment if you continue to feel violated or uncomfortable.
“I’m setting aside this evening for rest.” The boundary part is: Following through on your intentions and action. A lot of people who struggle with boundaries, according to our codependency counselling Calgary therapists, may have a difficult time slowing down, prioritizing themselves and following through on their commitments to themselves (though doing things for others feels like second nature).
“Please don’t bring that up in front of the kids.” The boundary part is: The actions and follow through around this. This could mean not continuing to engage in the conversation yourself, swerving the conversation if it comes up again, or changing the setting by leaving or moving to shift dynamics.
The boundary is the follow through on your needs, feelings and intentions.
Boundaries are not about controlling others—they’re about looking after yourself and honouring what is comfortable for you. Learn more about boundaries from our codependency counselling Calgary therapists here.
🎄 Why Are Boundaries So Hard During the Holidays? Thoughts from Codependency Counselling Calgary Therapists
The holidays often come with unspoken expectations, emotional triggers, and obligations that make setting boundaries feel especially difficult. Here’s why:
1. Family Pressure & Guilt
Many of us feel pressure to say “yes” to everything—especially when it comes from family. There’s often a sense of duty or guilt tied to holiday traditions, even if those traditions no longer serve us. Learn more about holiday pressure and how to navigate it here.
2. Cultural Norms
There’s a widespread belief that the holidays are about giving, giving, giving—and if you’re not constantly available, giving your time, buying gifts, or saying yes, you’re somehow being selfish. Our codependency counselling Calgary therapists identify this as a strong trigger for a lot of people who have difficulty holding boundaries over the holidays.
3. Fear of Conflict or Disappointment
Setting a boundary might mean someone else doesn’t get what they want and that can feel uncomfortable, according to our codependency counselling Calgary therapists. It’s tempting to avoid potential conflict by people-pleasing, even if it costs us our peace.
How do you know if you’re a people-pleaser? Take the quiz!
4. Overcommitting & Burnout
With so many events, errands, and expectations packed into a few short weeks, it’s easy to spread yourself too thin and say yes to things you simply don’t have capacity for.
Here is some help with getting clearer on your goals and priorities which can inform your boundaries, according to our codependency counselling Calgary therapists.
🎁 Tips for Setting Boundaries During the Holidays from Codependency Counselling Calgary Experts
The good news? Boundaries are a skill and, like any skill, they can be learned and practiced. Here are some ways to protect your peace this holiday season:
1. Get Clear on Your Needs
Before you can communicate your boundaries to others, you have to be honest with yourself about what you need and what is comfortable for you. Our codependency counselling Calgary therapists encourage you to ask:
What do I really need to feel grounded this season?
What drains me? What energizes me?
What am I willing to say yes to—and what needs to be a no?
Write it down if it helps. This clarity makes it easier to stay firm when the moment comes.
2. Use “I” Statements
When expressing a boundary, speak from your perspective to reduce defensiveness advises our codependency counselling Calgary therapists. For example:
Instead of: “You always make me feel bad at dinner.”
Try: “I’d like to keep the conversation light at dinner—I don’t feel comfortable discussing that right now.”
This shifts the tone from blame to self-awareness and self-protection.
3. Practice Saying No Without Over-Explaining
You don’t owe anyone a long explanation. A simple, kind “no” can be powerful. Feel like you need to say more? Our codependency counselling Calgary therapists suggest that you can try saying no in a softer way (but the core message is still no):
“I appreciate the invite, but I’m going to sit this one out.”
“I won’t be able to travel this year, but I hope it’s a beautiful gathering.”
Remember: “No” is a complete sentence. This means that you can say no and move on to another topic of conversation.
4. Limit Time in Draining Environments
If you’re attending a gathering that you know will be emotionally taxing, create a time limit for yourself. Time boundaries are a great form of self-care according to our codependency counselling Calgary therapists. You might say:
“I can stay for an hour, then I have other plans.” (Even if those “plans” are just time to recharge at home—that’s a valid plan.)
5. Have an Exit Plan
Prepare ahead of time for how you’ll leave a situation that starts to feel overwhelming. Ideally try and leave situations before you feel extremely overwhelmed as that is a harder state to come down from. Ways to have an exit plan can include: Driving separately, having a signal with a friend or partner, or having a polite go-to excuse ready for when you want to leave.
Our codependency counselling Calgary therapists remind you that you don’t have to explain, but if that helps you actually leave then having a reason to leave might be helpful. “I need to get up early tomorrow” or “I’m drained from the last week.” You can still be kind, gracious yet boundaried.
6. Don’t Neglect Self-Care
Saying yes to yourself sometimes means saying no to others. Make time for sleep, solitude, nourishing meals, movement, or whatever helps you feel like you. Boundaries aren’t just about saying no to others—they’re about saying yes to your well-being. Read our past blog post about self-care during the holidays.
7. Anticipate Pushback—and Hold Steady
Not everyone will understand or respect your boundaries right away. That’s okay. This will be uncomfortable, warn our codependency counselling Calgary therapists, but discomfort does not mean impossible or stop trying. Some people are used to the old version of you—the one who never said no. Don’t let discomfort pull you away from the version of yourself that’s growing stronger, healthier, and more self-respecting.
You don’t have to over-justify your choices to anyone who isn’t trying to understand.
💬 Boundaries Are a Gift to Yourself and Others Remind our Codependency Counselling Calgary Therapists
This holiday season, remember: boundaries aren't walls to keep people out—they're the lines that protect your capacity to show up with love, presence, and intention.
When you protect your energy, you make space for the things (and people) that truly matter.
And that? That’s the best gift you can give yourself—and others—this year.
Enjoy a boundaried holiday season. Best wishes from our codependency counselling Calgary therapists.
Looking for more resources on boundaries, mental health, and relationships? Visit our Amazon Shop Ideas Lists for lots of inspiration. 100% of the commission for anything brought through this shop goes to supporting mental health and addiction recovery.
Sana Psychological is a mental health and addiction recovery clinic in Calgary, Alberta, Canada. Our codependency counselling therapists have worked with those navigating relationship and boundary challenges for years and always love to see the joy, freedom, and release that comes in living a healthily boundaried life. This can be you too! Interested in working with us? Visit our online booking page.
