Healing from Perfectionism: Tips From Anxiety Counselling Calgary Experts
We often hear people say, “I’m such a perfectionist”—sometimes with pride, sometimes with exhaustion. On the surface, perfectionism might sound like a drive for excellence, but in reality it’s often a heavy burden and can add a lot of stress and anxiety to people’s lives. Instead of motivating growth, it can trap us in cycles of self-criticism, procrastination, and burnout- issues our anxiety counselling Calgary therapists see often.
Let’s break down what perfectionism really is, where it often comes from, and some practical ways to loosen its grip, based on suggestions from our experienced anxiety counselling Calgary therapists.
What Is Perfectionism? Our Anxiety Counselling Calgary Therapists Answer
Perfectionism is more than wanting to do well. It’s the belief that anything less than flawless is failure and that you, not just your work, are defined by your mistakes. Perfectionism is linked to identity, esteem, and worth. It is not just about working hard or doing a good job. This is why perfectionism often shows up alongside anxiety, depression, and other mental health symptoms.
Some signs of perfectionism that our anxiety counselling Calgary therapists see everyday include:
Setting impossibly high standards for yourself.
Feeling crushed by even small mistakes.
Procrastinating because tasks feel overwhelming.
Struggling to finish projects because they’re never “good enough.”
Constant comparison to others and fear of being judged.
Unlike healthy striving, which fuels growth, perfectionism drains energy and erodes confidence.
Take The Perfectionism Quiz Designed by Anxiety Counselling Calgary Experts
Wondering if you are a perfectionist or have perfectionist tendencies? We invite you to take our latest self-check quiz: “Am I a Perfectionist?”
While this quiz is not diagnostic (as perfectionism is not an official diagnosis anyway), nor is it designed to be used as a replacement for professional consultation, it can be helpful in giving you a general sense of whether perfectionist traits are appearing in your life and causing some interference.
Where Does Perfectionism Come From? Our Anxiety Counselling Calgary Therapists Weigh In
Perfectionism usually has deep roots, which is why it can be a challenging state to move and find freedom from. While every person’s story is unique, here are some common influences that our anxiety counselling Calgary therapists have observed contribute to perfectionism:
Early praise and criticism: Growing up praised only for achievements (good grades, winning games) and/or criticized harshly for mistakes can create a belief that love and acceptance are conditional. As people get older, they feel compelled to perform and achieve as the gateway to love. Without high performance, people are left feeling like they are not worthy or deserving and won’t receive love.
Family modeling: Parents or caregivers who held themselves—or you—to rigid standards often pass down perfectionistic thinking. Our anxiety counselling Calgary therapists will often hear stories about parents having their own perfectionist standards and these being passed down, directly or indirectly, to those around them.
Cultural and societal pressures: Social media highlight reels, academic competition, and hustle culture all push the idea that we must be exceptional to have value. Anxiety counselling Calgary can support you in identifying and shifting these pressures and internalized beliefs to ones that make more sense for you.
Personality tendencies: Some people are naturally more conscientious or sensitive, which can tilt toward perfectionism under pressure. One personality test that has measured conscientiousness for decades now is the Big 5 Personality Test. You are able to take this free online to see where you score on this and other dimensions of personality.
Coping mechanism: For many, perfectionism develops as a way to feel safe, avoid rejection, and/or gain control in uncertain environments. In anxiety counselling Calgary, the focus is often on identifying how perfectionism is trying to help and what it is protecting so that mechanisms can be developed in other ways so that you are not feeling exposed and vulnerable while moving away from perfectionism.
Tips for Recovering from Perfectionism From Anxiety Counselling Calgary Therapists
People entering into anxiety counselling Calgary to deal with perfectionism are usually quite scared. Their biggest fear is that healing is going to mean becoming what they fear most: An underperforming ‘loser.’ Recovery doesn’t mean lowering all your standards and it certainly doesn’t mean becoming less successful or goal-oriented—it means building a healthier relationship with yourself and your future where you can live and accomplish in a loving and caring, not self-hating, way. Here are some starting points:
1. Redefine Success
Instead of asking, “Was it perfect?”, try asking, “Did I learn? Did I show up? Did I grow?” Success can be measured in progress, effort, or consistency—not flawlessness.
2. Practice Self-Compassion
One way to practice self-compassion is to talk to yourself the way you’d speak to a friend. Acknowledge mistakes without judgment: “I wish this had gone differently, but mistakes are part of learning.”
3. Set “Good Enough” Goals
Try finishing a task at 80–90% instead of obsessing over every detail. Notice how often “good enough” is more than sufficient for others.
4. Challenge All-or-Nothing Thinking
Catch phrases like “I failed” when you really mean “This didn’t go as planned.” Shift your language to reflect nuance. This is what Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy (CBT) can help with and why it is a therapy type often incorporated into anxiety counselling Calgary therapy to help with perfectionism.
5. Celebrate Small Wins
Perfectionism blinds us to progress. Keep a running list of small steps accomplished and revisit it weekly. A daily gratitude practice that includes self-gratitude can help with this too. It trains our brain to focus on what is going well, not just what is missing.
6. Allow Rest and Play
Perfectionists often tie their worth to productivity. Intentionally make space for hobbies, fun, and rest to remind yourself that your value isn’t measured by output. Some people conceptualize that there are different types of rest. Looking for further support on rest and self-care? Try our ‘Guide to Self-Care’ ebook designed by anxiety counselling Calgary therapists.
7. Get Comfortable With Imperfection
Healing from perfectionism requires a bit of desensitization (getting more comfortable with things that used to feel intolerable). Our anxiety counselling Calgary therapists practice this with phobias and other types of anxiety, as well as perfectionism. Start small by allowing yourself to make mistakes. Recognize that imperfection is a part of being human and that mistakes can lead to growth.
8. Focus on Progress, Not Perfection
One of our anxiety counselling Calgary therapists (and our addiction counselling Calgary therapists too) favourite quotes is ‘progress, not perfection.’ We love it because it is a beautiful way of remembering our recovery and healing intentions. Shift your mindset from perfection to progress. Stay in the process rather than being constantly focused on the outcome. Celebrate improvements and small victories, rather than fixating on an unattainable ideal.
9. Learn to Delegate and Ask For Help
Perfectionists tend to do everything themselves because they believe only they can do it “right.” Practice trusting others and letting them help you with tasks. Ultimately this can lead to so much freedom and relief for a recovering perfectionist as it helps free up time and resources to put into other parts of life, including yourself!
10. Practice Self-Compassion (And Really Grow It For Yourself)
Be kind to yourself when you slip up or don’t meet your expectations. Self-compassion is crucial in overcoming perfectionism. Treat yourself like you would treat a friend who is struggling. Kristin Neff and Tara Brach’s works have helped many connect with this space within themselves. Our anxiety counselling Calgary therapists appreciate their books and online meditations to support this practice.
11. Reduce Comparing Yourself to Others
Constant comparison often fuels perfectionism. Remember that everyone has their own unique path, and it's okay not to measure up to others' standards.
12. Allow for Flexibility
Perfectionists often stick rigidly to plans and get caught in a rigid mindset about a lot of things. Try allowing more flexibility in your life. Let go of the need for control, and be open to spontaneity and change. Our anxiety counselling Calgary therapists work with people every day who are looking to improve and increase their psychological flexibility.
13. Consider Seeking Support
Talking to an anxiety counselling Calgary therapist, group, and/or trusted friend can help you gain perspective and support you in breaking free from perfectionism. They can offer helpful feedback and guidance. If you don’t feel quite ready to open up, consider looking into self-help books and resources that might offer some insight and wisdom to help you in your journey. Some of our anxiety counselling Calgary therapist’s favourite resources on the topic are:
The ACT Workbook for Perfectionism by Jennifer Kemp
The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown
The Perfection Trap by Thomas Curran
Final Thoughts From Our Anxiety Counselling Calgary Therapists
Perfectionism may feel like a personality trait, but it’s really a set of learned beliefs—and beliefs can be unlearned. With self-awareness, practice, and patience, it’s possible to step out of the cycle of constant self-criticism and into a more balanced, joyful way of living.
Progress, not perfection, is what leads to freedom.
Sana Psychological is here to support your mental health and addiction recovery journey. We offer in person and virtual therapy as well as free resources to help you anywhere, anytime. Interested in an appointment with one of our therapists? Read their bios, see their live schedules, and book online today.
