How do you know if you have a problematic relationship with alcohol?

This is a great question. An individualized discussion is the best way to determine where you are at. However, even to ask this question is a red flag of a problematic relationship with alcohol, even though you may not have Addiction. Wondering, doubting, and worrying about alcohol consumption indicates it may be problematic. If you or a loved one are expressing concerns, it would be a good time to seek out a professional opinion on where you are at. If alcohol is creating or contributing to problems in your life; is something you use frequently (even in low quantities); is a routine part of your celebration and/or stress management then I would recommend you talk to someone about your relationship with alcohol.

Will I have to quit alcohol completely?

This may be a recommendation for those who are evidencing clear signs of Addiction. I do support an abstinence-based approach to treatment. However, I also recognize that this may not be possible or something that everyone is open to so we can talk further about your goals and how to get there, and how much a part of that alcohol will be.

Does alcohol counselling only focus on alcohol?

No. In fact, usually, alcohol counselling pulls in many other parts of the person and life, including an exploration of relationships, self-worth/esteem, work, stressors, and coping. The thing I love about Addiction counselling is that you get to look at everything!

What kinds of tools will be recommended for addressing my concerns about alcohol?

I like to encourage people to look at all aspects of themselves and use tools that address physical, psychological, cognitive, spiritual, relational, cultural, and financial health. Recommendations and suggestions will be provided and you will decide what you are open to trying and we can develop a collaborative, realistic plan of how you will go about incorporating these changes into your life.

What if I am concerned about a loved one’s drinking and they’re not willing to get help?

I would encourage you to seek out support for yourself. Learning about Addiction, boundaries, healthy communication, and engaging in your own self-care and recovery can be tremendously impactful in helping you deal with a stressful situation. It can also provide healthy role modelling that can have a spillover effect on those around you. It’s a win-win!

Do I have to go to groups like Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) as part of counselling?

There is nothing that you will ever “have” to do in your counselling journey. Any recommendations and strategies are completely optional and up to you to decide what is a fit and what is not. I do encourage people to consider peer support groups like AA as a component of their recovery plan, but there is no expectation that you go in this direction.

What if I relapse during Alcohol Addiction counselling? Can I come back?

Of course! Relapses are often a part of the journey with Addiction and are something that we will explore to see what information can be learned from them. While unfortunate, frustrating and upsetting, they are certainly not something that would exclude you from further engagement and participation in counselling. Please come back and talk about what happened so we can both learn from it.

Compulsive Sexual Behaviour Therapy

Hypersexuality Treatment & Compulsive Sexual Behaviour Therapy

Tired of feeling like your sexual behaviour is out of control? Tired of ruining relationships because of sexual compulsivity? Do you feel like you struggle with sex, love, and relationships? We can help.

Sana Psychological is here to support you, whether you are new to recovery or are looking for support to help you maintain your recovery progress. Our clinicians have experience working with those struggling with Hypersexuality, Sexual Anorexia, and sexual compulsions as a standalone condition as well as a symptom in combination with other compulsive issues, like substance abuse. We offer services in Calgary, Airdrie and virtually.

What Is Hypersexuality?

Hypersexuality, or compulsive sexual behaviour, is when somebody has an excessive preoccupation with behaviours, thoughts, or feelings that become difficult or impossible to manage and which have significant and negative consequences to the person’s life and overall wellbeing.

The focus is less on the behaviour(s) themselves so as not to pathologize sexual behaviour, which is a natural part of human nature, but rather about the frequency, manageability, and negative consequences it has in a person’s life.

When behaviours (whether that is sex with self, online pornography, and/or sex with others), thoughts (fantasies, planning, general preoccupation), and/or feelings (shame, guilt, regret, craving) become a main focus in life and are difficult to moderate, this is an indicator of compulsive sexual behaviour. Treatment from a healthcare provider can help improve outcomes with behaviour, relationships, and self-esteem. (Mayo Clinic).

Sex is a natural part of healthy and stable relationships and human behaviour. In health, sex is a way for people to express love, connection, care, and vulnerability with one another. Maintaining healthy sexual activities feels rejuvenating, restorative, and intimate. Unfortunately, sometimes the unhealthy part of our brain looking for feel-good neurotransmitters, like dopamine, can take over, and people may start to notice that a once healthy relationship with sex starts to look unhealthy.

An unhealthy relationship with sex may involve infidelity, pornography use that feels excessive or violating of your typical preferences and values, and acting out with strangers, escorts, or people that are not normally your attraction (same-sex, opposite sex, minors, etc.) Your relationship with sex may not have progressed to these levels yet, but you are starting to feel that it is not the healthy act it once was. Whether it is a feeling or behavioural evidence that something has gone awry, compulsive sexual behaviour counselling can help.

Hypersexuality as a Symptom of a Disorder

Compulsive sexual behaviour is not a choice. It is important for you to remember that you did not choose what is happening to you right now. A struggle with sex does not define your personality or represent who you are. It is a symptom and medical condition for which it is important to seek treatment. That is where therapy can help.

Common Characteristics of Hypersexuality

It can be difficult to sort out what exactly is going on in one’s relationship with sex and love and how unhealthy or problematic it has become. This is not something that you have to figure out on your own. Remember, you are not a trained mental health professional with experience making such diagnoses and even if you are, doing so with yourself or in your personal life is much different than doing it with others. Let Sana Psychological help you determine where things are at and provide recommendations accordingly.

This is an informal checklist to help you get a general idea of the extent of your or your loved one’s challenges with sex, love, and related issues. Read through the following list and answer whether the statement applies to you or not.

Within the past 3 months, have you experienced any of the following with your relationship with sex and love:

Difficulty expressing yourself
Not feeling heard
Relationship conflict
Frequent difficulties in relationships, whether that be with colleagues, friends, family, or romantic partners
Questions and confusion about sexuality and orientation
Being relationship avoidant
Bingeing on relationships, not feeling comfortable being alone
Using relationships for escape and relief
Codependency
Sexual anorexia and/or bingeing/compulsion
Insecurity
Jealousy

Multiple sexual partners
Lying, manipulating, sneaking around (dishonesty)
Low self-esteem
Serial monogamy
High conflict and drama in relationships
Divorce
Challenges integrating into a new relationship
Feeling relationally challenged
Difficulty ‘moving on’ after a relationship ends
Increasingly intensive sexual imagery/sexual fantasies
On-again, off-again relationships
Being told you have relational issues

If you are experiencing any of these symptoms, it would be a good time to start exploring sexual compulsivity counselling. These symptoms tend to appear as issues with sex and love behaviours progress. Typically, these symptoms indicate a condition that has escalated in quantity, frequency, and had a progressive impact on your life over time. These symptoms rarely present themselves when people have a healthy relationship with sex and love.

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Causes of Hypersexual Disorder

These compulsive sexual behaviours are caused by a complex integration of biological and environmental factors. Current research suggests that 40-60% of problem behaviour vulnerability is due to genetics (NIDA). While this research applies to drug use, it is thought to be applicable to other manifestations as well. This leaves 40-60% due to environmental factors like attachment, family of origin influences, trauma, abuse, sexual abuse, adverse childhood events (ACE’s), behavioural exposure, and other factors that the individual experiences which contribute to the activation and manifestation of problems in their life. At Sana Psychological, Hypersexuality Disorder and Sexual Compulsivity are treated as biological conditions rooted in the brain that have been influenced by other life experiences.

Our Hypersexuality Treatment Approach

The initial 1-2 sessions will involve gathering as much background information as possible about you, including: strengths, available coping network and tools, challenges, as well as information about your relationship with sex, others, and self.

Information is gathered to know about all parts of you. Sex counselling is about much more than just your engagement with sexual activity and love. There will be many areas of life that you can start to address to support change, such as relationships, feelings processing, boundaries, communication, self-esteem, and more.

Our clinicians have been trained in a variety of therapeutic techniques, including Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy (CBT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Solution-Focused Therapy, Motivational Interviewing, Twelve-Step Facilitation, SMART Recovery therapy, and Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART) which can be incorporated into treatment as needed.

Follow-up appointments generally involve a check-in to see presenting issues and immediate things that have come up that you may want to process. Additionally, you may want to follow-up on any suggestions provided in past appointments to get an idea of progress and roadblocks that are coming up, followed by a more in-depth exploration of challenges, patterns, and coping.

Sessions are active and engaged as we like to ask lots of questions and provide reflections, challenges, and psychoeducation along the way. At any point, if the therapeutic approach or goals need to be changed, please speak up and this will be processed. Sessions come from a non-judgmental, compassionate, empathetic place. Treatment is customized to the individual and designed to meet you where you are at with an approach you feel comfortable with.

Support for Loved Ones

Counselling may also involve concerned family members or friends who have been impacted. They may come in individually for their own support and/or join some sessions or parts of sessions with the individual who is experiencing the problem. If you are a family member reading this and hoping your loved one will change, but aren’t sure if they are ready, I would encourage you to come in for yourself to look at your own health and recovery plan. Change in any member of a relational unit creates change for the whole unit, so perhaps change can start with you.

Even if you feel that your personal changes are not impacting your loved one, it will provide you with the strength, resources, and ability to cope with an extremely difficult, draining, and challenging situation.

Loved ones of those who are struggling with sex experience can cause a significant amount of resentment, hurt, and confusion. This can be damaging to their relationship with self and lead to self-doubt, insecurity, lowered self-esteem, and other severe mental health problems. Loved ones benefit tremendously from engaging in their own counselling and recovery work in order to find peace, serenity, and contentment in their relationship with themselves, as well as explore where they are at in their external relationships.

Why Choose Sana Psychological’s Compulsive Sex Counselling?

When you come to Sana Psychological, you are choosing to work with an experienced, empathetic therapist who is ready to support you in making some changes in your life. Counselling will include a focus on more than just the behaviour and incorporate the development of communication, emotional intelligence, boundaries, self-care, and more to help you improve your mental health and sustain the changes that you are incorporating into your life.

Sessions are offered in person at our offices or virtually depending on your preference. Cost, scheduling, and types of therapy vary by clinician, as do payment types and direct billing providers.

Appointments and consultations can be scheduled online anytime, no referral required.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: How can I reduce my hypersexuality?

A: Changes to behaviour involve understanding what is driving the compulsive sexual urges, behaviour, triggers, and developing a healthy self-care routine to address physical, emotional, mental, relational, spiritual, cultural, and financial needs. To reduce sexual urges, it will be important to explore and treat any other mental health conditions, such as depression and anxiety, as well as any additional issues, including eating disorders, substance use/abuse like an opiate, alcohol, and/or stimulant dependence. It also involves learning about cravings and controlling sexual impulses to target the compulsive behaviour(s) themselves and understanding that these behaviours “can involve alcohol, drugs, as well as sex,” (Blog post on compulsive issues beyond alcohol and drug abuse problems) and treating all of these areas as needed . Focusing on sexual compulsivity as a choice that only requires a change in willpower, or shaming oneself to stop are not effective change strategies.

Q: Can hypersexuality go away?

A: Yes! We have worked with clients who have years, even decades, of recovery from hypersexuality. This involves an ongoing investment in self and health promotion, which can be benefitted by the aid of mental health professionals in conjunction with other peer and self-management tools.

Q: How is hypersexuality diagnosed?

A: Clinical questionnaires that have been designed to gauge whether the behaviour is in the problematic zone. These can be used if clients are confused or unclear about the nature of their issues. Because compulsive sexual behaviour doesn’t have its own diagnostic category in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-V), it may be diagnosed as a subcategory of another mental health condition, such as an impulse control disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, or a behavioural disorder. Many clients who come to Sana Psychological are already clear, based on lived and previous clinical experience that they are dealing with sexual compulsivity and are looking to treat compulsive sexual behaviours further.

Q: Can more than one person attend a counselling session?

A: Primarily, hypersexuality treatment at Sana Psychological is done individually. If additional counselling work is requested or recommended to improve the health of the romantic relationship or family, referrals can be provided to providers who specialize in this kind of therapy. If the primary client requests, or if the therapist believes it would be of benefit to have a partner or other family member participate in one or a few sessions of counselling, this will be discussed and accommodated as necessary.

Q: How much does Sexual Compulsivity counselling cost?

A: The session fee varies depending on the practitioner that you choose to work with. Counselling can be short or long-term as we balance your needs and budget.