Relationship Tips for Men from Couples Counselling Calgary AB Therapists
June is Men’s Mental Health Month. According to the Canadian Men's Health Foundation, approximately one million men suffer from major depression in Canada each year. Adding to that, men tend to not use available mental health services, with statistics indicating that only around 30% of people who use mental health services are men. This creates a big gap between need and treatment.
Sana Psychological, a private mental health and addiction recovery practice in Calgary, AB and Airdrie, AB, is happy to report that we are beating the stats and around 40% of our clientele are men. However, we still see the high rates of mental health issues amongst men, including depression, and lower rates of engagement with therapy that are reported by broader stats, even though our numbers are more positive. Our couples counselling Calgary AB therapists and mental health counselling Airdrie clinicians have observed the complicated interplay between relationship challenges, anxiety, depression, and isolation in men. We have also observed that connection and healthy relationships improves the mental health experience of men. For this reason, this blog is focused on providing some tips and guidance for men to improve their relationships, from experienced couples counselling therapists.
Biggest Relationship Challenges For Men According to Our Couples Counselling Calgary AB Therapists
From their experience in the therapy room, our couples counselling therapists have noticed that men tend to experience the following barriers in their relationships (of all kinds, not just romantic):
Prioritizing them. Men tend to be engaged with work, school, and/or activities that they enjoy which can detract from prioritizing social time
Emotional Intimacy. Many men have been raised in a culture of masculinity (sometimes viewed as ‘toxic masculinity’) where boys were not modelled and encouraged to pay attention to and communicate their feelings. In adulthood, this can lead to distance and isolation as people have a hard time feeling connected to them
Communication. Not being aware of one’s feelings can lead to additional challenges with communication. Boys may have been modelled a communication style that was very factual, logistical and sometimes even critical or judgmental. This can create conflict in relationships and may ultimately lead to relationship breakdown. Wanting to learn how to communicate better is the #1 identified goal that our couples counselling Calgary AB therapists hear from the men they see. This is amazing as it shows a desire and willingness to grow and change
Limited Options. Men tend to be task focused and, therefore, even those who want to connect may have difficulty finding other men who are wanting to socialize, whether through shared activities or to hang out. Our mental health counselling Airdrie therapists encourage men to step out of their comfort zone and find groups, different activities and/or individuals who are interested in regularly connecting. The structure can reduce some of the worry and fear associated with doing something different.
Despite these challenges, men are relational human beings and, without meaningful connection, we see increases in depression, anxiety, violence, suicidal risk, substance use, and more. Let us support our fellow men in building, establishing and maintaining close connections to improve their overall health outcomes.
Tips for Improving Relationships According to our Couples Counselling Calgary AB Therapists
Here are some ways, short and long-term, to start building quality connections according to our couples counselling and mental health counselling Airdrie therapists:
Provide compliments. People like to receive reinforcing and validating words. By sharing your appreciation, whether it is for what someone did, a style they’re rocking, or just who they are, these are meaningful and can create as well as increase the power of connection. Some examples our couples counselling Calgary AB therapists suggest include, “I really liked how you handled that situation,” or “You did so much for the household today, you are amazing.”
Express gratitude. Saying ‘Thank you’ goes a long way too. Thank you for that thing you did, thing you said, thing you didn’t say, support, encouragement, listening, or being you. These are two powerful words that people tend not to say enough. Gratitude increases satisfaction in relationships of all kinds and lets people know that we appreciate them. It is a tool our couples counselling Calgary AB therapists incorporate often into relational and family counselling.
Initiate time together. It feels vulnerable to put yourself out there and ask someone, whether a friend, family member, or partner, to spend time together, but this is the #1 way they know that they matter to you. It is also the only way to build and maintain a relationship because, without time together, there is no connection. Here is an article on how to spend time with people without feeling too drained. Here is a list of some activities to do with others, whether in a group or one-on-one. Our couples counselling Calgary AB therapists encourage you to be experimental and try things you may not normally-you never know what you’ll find enjoyable! Any activity is a great way to experience the other person/people in a different way and this builds connection.
Work on improving communication. Especially your listening skills. A lot of people think that communication is about what we say, which is part of it, but taking time to stop and listen to what the other person is saying, rather than waiting to respond with our own ideas, is key to a strong relationship, according to our couples counselling Calgary AB therapists.
Here are some tips on how to improve your listening skills.
Improve your Emotional Intelligence (EQ). Unsure what this is? That’s okay! Emotional Intelligence is a number of skills combined together to improve our quality of relationships and includes things like empathy, socialization, listening, and more! It is something that can be built and learned.
Our couples counselling Calgary AB therapists invite you to download our FREE e-book with information on how to build Emotional Intelligence today.
Plan connection time. It’s easy to say “I’ll do it tomorrow,” and, without a solid plan, tomorrow becomes… When? A week? A month? Multiple months? Setting up times to be together with people leads to improved relationships, whether this be mealtime, chatting before bed, going out for a coffee, taking a walk, planning a trip, or meeting at a planned activity. Whatever the plan is, making it tells the other person they matter to you and that you value the relationship. Our couples counselling Calgary AB therapists sometimes suggest that couples take turns planning ‘date nights’ so this way neither feels resentful or burdened by being the only one to initiate and plan quality time together. Feeling stuck for ideas?
Here is an extensive list of date night ideas to help you plan something special for you and your partner.
Take care of your own mental health. Prioritizing nothing but work and relationships with others is a path to burnout, overwhelm and resentment, which can lead to depression, anxiety, substance use, thoughts of suicide, and more. It is important that one of the primary relationships you nurture is with yourself. Making sure to have breaks, do things you enjoy, resting, nourishing your mind and body, and having balance are all key elements of improved mental health, according to our couples counselling Calgary AB counsellors. Unsure what self-care really is?
Download our FREE e-book on self-care now to learn more and explore what it means for you (because it’s not the same for everybody!).
Here is a list with some self-care ideas.
Consider therapy. Nothing is more attractive than a man who is working on himself, according to most people (no official stats on this, but lots of anecdotal evidence to suggest this is the case, according to our couples counselling Calgary AB therapists). In exploring your own background, values, issues, and gaining insight, tools, strategies and new language, this can help improve the quality of all of your relationships. Therapy is meant to empower and provide confidence in situations where you may not have felt that before. Being involved in your own therapy helps deepen the emotional connection and intimacy with others, which strengthens connection.
Summary from our Couples Counselling Calgary AB Therapists
Relationships are an important aspect of health and mental health. Research has shown that men who are in relationships between 65 and 85 tend to live longer than those who are not. Healthy relationships are literally a matter of life and health then! Wherever you are at and wherever you come from, it is never too late to learn new skills and grow. Self-help materials like podcasts, books, workbooks, workshops and groups, along with professional support, can help you evolve your relationship skills and improve connection with others. Start somewhere, like taking action on one item from this blog. Your steps do not have to be big to move you forward, just move.
Sana Psychological is a mental health and addiction recovery practice in Calgary, AB and Airdrie, AB, also offering virtual sessions throughout various provinces. Many of their therapists specialize in couples counselling Calgary AB, as well as other areas of mental health counselling.
